"Why Do I Feel So Much Resentment? A Survivor’s Honest Answer"

For a long time, I couldn’t understand why I felt so resentful. So full of this thick, heavy emotion that made me feel raw, gross, and angry all at once. It didn’t match the version of me I used to be—the me that excused, over-functioned, forgave too soon, and blamed herself, then brushed everything under the matt, and wake up the next day and do it again and again and again, over and over, year after year.

But now I understand.

When someone you trust and love repeatedly violates that trust—not with punches or screaming, but with silence, neglect, cheating, lies, and emotional erasure—it changes you. It leaves invisible wounds that don’t bleed but never stop aching. And that ache? It often becomes resentment.

Here’s the truth:
Resentment is not a character flaw.
It’s a response to betrayal.
It’s your inner self rising up and saying: “That was not okay.”

Why I Felt So Much Resentment:

• Because I Was Erased:
  I gave everything. I held space. I listened. I cared. And in return, I was dismissed, ignored, cheated on and gaslit. He never hit me, but he threatened and threatened. He just… disappeared. Slowly, I began to disappear too.

• Because I Saw Who He Could Be—But Never For Me:
  The version of him that everyone else adored, that offered kindness to strangers and support to coworkers, never came home. That love, that effort, was reserved for the audience, he’s not real.. Not for his own family. And that’s a special kind of cruelty.

• Because He Never Truly Took Responsibility: A Coward
  There was no apology, no acknowledgment, no “I see how I hurt you.” Only more silence. More justification. More pretending everything was fine. And resentment builds when pain goes unvalidated.

• Because My Needs Were Always Too Much:
  Asking for help, presence, honesty—I was made to feel like I was the problem. That kind of psychological twisting makes you question your worth. That’s not just painful—it’s enraging.

• Because I Finally Realized I Deserved Better, and Not to Have Someone Yelling at You for no Reason, there is no reason accept control:
  Resentment began when clarity came. When I saw how I had been conditioned to carry the emotional weight of a relationship built on control and silence. That awareness? It’s part of healing—but it’s messy.

If You're Feeling This Too:

Please know that resentment is not something to suppress or feel ashamed of. It’s a signal. It tells you that you’re waking up. That you are no longer willing to live beneath the weight of someone else’s narrative. That you are finally beginning to honor your story.

Let it move through you. Let it teach you. Let it speak.

And when it’s done speaking, let it go—not because your pain wasn’t valid, but because you’re choosing to make space for peace. Carlin