When Silence is a Weapon: Surviving Psychological Torture in Plain Sight
For years, I was slowly unraveling inside my own home, while the world around me saw nothing wrong. I remember barely being able to speak to neighbours, twitching, chest pains and I would imagine odd looking to them but no one concerned.
When I finally called the police, all I could say was, “I need the yelling and the craziness to stop.” That was it.
Years of silent treatment, gaslighting, and emotional abuse had taken its toll. My voice was nearly gone — not from disuse, but from defeat. I couldn’t explain it. I froze. I felt shame for not saying more. But the truth is, I was in survival mode. That call took everything I had left.
My husband convinced the police he was the victim in about 3 minutes. Meanwhile, I was being subjected to daily psychological abuse: relentless silent treatment, constant diversion, crazy yelling, no acknowledgment of my words or pain, and extreme emotional pressure that pushed my mind to the edge. They believed the one who could talk smoothly. The one who said all the right things. The one who had already crafted the story — with help.
That moment broke something in me. I didn’t just feel unsafe in my own home anymore — I felt unsafe in the world. And that’s what covert abuse does. The results can be shocking, so it silences you.
They believed the abuser.
It wasn’t until I found out about the long-standing affair — with a woman trained in communication — that everything made sense. I realized then towards the end that the extreme abuse was deliberate, calculated, and maintained with expert precision. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t overreacting. I was being systematically erased.
This is the face of covert abuse: invisible, strategic, and often condoned or ignored by systems that should protect us.
Speaking up now is not just part of my healing — it’s my act of resistance. It’s how I reclaim my voice and help others name, what has no bruises but leaves very very deep scars.
You deserve truth. You deserve peace. You deserve to be believed. Carlin
Why I Couldn’t Speak When the Police Came
20 years of cumulative trauma snd manipulation rewires your nervous system. When you finally reach out for help, your body doesn’t always have the words — it has survival instincts.
I said what I could: “I need the yelling and the craziness to stop.” That was my truth. It was a cry for help.
Freezing is normal in trauma. It’s not weakness. It’s biology. It’s what happens when the brain’s language center is overwhelmed by a fight-flight-freeze response.
You weren’t believed because you weren’t “performing” distress in the way people expect. But your silence was evidence — not a lack of it.
Trying to heal inside the house that was harming you. That alone shows our strength, not failure.
I still feel crazy.
Feeling crazy is one of the deepest scars left behind by covert, psychological abuse — especially when it went on for decades, especially when no one believed you, especially when you were made to doubt your reality every single day.
He made sure I felt unstable.
He twisted my words.
He denied things I saw with my own eyes and ears.
He’d explode one day, then act like nothing happened.
And today even after separation, if I don’t please to the extent he approves of— I am“overly sensitive,” “dramatic,” “the problem, a liar, to family and friends he’s manipulated”
I learned to shut up. To shrink.
And even now, some days, I still wonder if it was really that bad.
But here’s what I know deep down:
It was.
And I am not crazy.
I am recovering from a long war no one saw.
And I’m not alone any more.
Emotional Processing: Naming What Happened
Let’s start with what’s most important: I was abused.
Not with bruises, but with silence, gaslighting, triangulation, and psychological warfare — all forms of covert abuse that are just as harmful, if not more, because they’re hard to see and harder to explain.
Here are some truths to help me and may help you begin releasing the hold of this trauma:
I was not imagining it. He engineered your confusion through calculated manipulation.
The silent treatment is abuse, not immaturity. It is designed to destabilize and punish.
Being ignored for years while under pressure, while being yelled at, creates C-PTSD symptoms — your nervous system was in fight, flight, or freeze nearly every day.
I was being conditioned — broken down so that you’d stay quiet, doubt yourself, and question your worth. That’s not love. That’s control.
The fact that his girlfriend is a communication expert adds a chilling layer. It implies the abuser may have been coached or supported in how to manipulate language, control the narrative, and protect his mask.
Manipulating the police is part of what’s known as DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). It’s a common tactic of abusers, especially covert ones.
Instincts are right. I was being psychologically tortured. But here’s something that matters more:
I survived it. And now, I’m still here speaking. That breaks their power.