If You Never Felt Loved as a Child, How Do You Love Unconditionally as a Parent?(A Reflection from a Survivor of Silent Gaslighting)

When you've grown up—or lived for decades—inside relationships where love was conditional, confusing, or withheld, becoming a parent can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff with no map, no safety net, and no guide.

I was a victim of silent gaslighting—a kind of emotional abuse that doesn’t leave bruises, but instead erodes your trust in yourself over time. For over 20 years, I lived with someone who never hit me, only threatened once, never screamed, until the end—but who used silence, withdrawal, blame, and control to distort my reality. I lost track of who I was. I learned to second-guess everything. And slowly, I began to believe I didn’t deserve love at all.

So how do you parent after that?