Reclaiming My Inner Voice: Trusting Myself Again After Silent Abuse

There was a time I didn’t trust myself at all. Not my memory, not my gut, not even my own eyes. That’s what years of silent abuse does—it doesn’t scream in your face, it whispers just loud enough to make you question everything.

Silent gaslighting is so subtle, so expertly woven into daily life, that it trains you to second-guess your instincts. You begin to rewrite your own emotions to fit someone else’s comfort. You learn to swallow your truth because it never seems to matter—or worse, because you’re told it’s wrong.

I used to feel things strongly. I knew what I liked. I knew when something felt off. I could walk into a room and sense the energy. But somewhere along the line, that part of me dimmed. Every time I was ignored, dismissed, or lied to with a straight face, I lost a piece of my inner compass.

And when I tried to speak up, I was either met with silence or spun into confusion.

Reclaiming my intuition wasn’t a lightning bolt moment. It was slow, awkward, painful, and powerful. It looked like writing things down so I could prove to myself they actually happened. It looked like crying in the car and whispering, “You’re not crazy.” It looked like asking myself what I felt—not what I should feel.

Eventually, I started making small decisions based on my gut again. I started recognizing when something didn’t feel right—and instead of overriding it, I honored it. That’s when things started to shift.

Your intuition doesn’t leave you. It goes quiet when it’s not safe—but it waits for you.

If you’re in the thick of it, or just beginning to emerge from the fog, know this: you are not broken. The part of you that knows is still there. It’s waiting patiently for your return.

You don’t have to have all the answers. Just begin by trusting one feeling. One yes. One no.

That’s how I started. That’s how I found my way home to myself. Carlin