Rebuilding Self-Trust After Emotional Abuse
One of the hardest parts of healing from emotional abuse isn’t just leaving.
It’s learning how to trust yourself again after years of being told—directly or indirectly—that you can’t.
That your memory is faulty.
That your instincts are wrong.
That your needs are too much.
That your version of reality isn’t real.
Silent gaslighting does exactly that. It doesn’t just hurt you in the moment—it rearranges your entire inner world. You stop knowing what’s true, what’s fair, or what you even want anymore.
When I left, I didn’t feel free.
I felt broken. Numb. Unsure of everything.
I second-guessed every decision.
I apologized constantly.
I replayed conversations in my head, wondering if maybe I misunderstood, maybe it really was my fault.
That’s how deep the damage goes.
And that’s also where the healing begins.
Rebuilding self-trust takes time. But it is possible.
Here’s what helped me start:
🔹 I began writing things down.
Keeping a journal helped me track reality. It showed patterns. It helped me see: no, you didn’t imagine this. It really washappening.
🔹 I stopped asking for permission.
Even for small things—what to eat, what to wear, when to rest. I reminded myself: I am allowed to choose. I don’t need to justify my preferences.
🔹 I listened to my body.
My body knew things long before my mind could catch up. If I felt tight, nauseous, anxious, exhausted—it was telling me something was off. Learning to trust those signals was step one.
🔹 I let go of needing to “prove” anything.
To him. To others. Even to myself.
You don’t have to explain why you’re hurt. If it hurt, it matters. Full stop.
🔹 I spoke gently to myself.
When I spiraled into doubt, I’d ask: “What would I say to my daughter if she were feeling this way?” Then I’d try saying that to myself.
Healing from this kind of abuse isn’t a straight line.
It’s messy. It’s painful. But it’s also powerful.
Every time you trust your gut, speak your truth, or choose peace over perfection—you reclaim a piece of yourself that was taken.
You don’t have to go back to who you were.
You get to become someone wiser, braver, and more whole.
And you’re already doing it.
With strength and softness,
Carlin